i hate the winter in lexington
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Punch me in the face!)

[17 Apr 2005|05:58pm]
NEW LIVEJOURNAL NAME : xxchillydogxx

go there but beware!

6 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

[24 Mar 2005|09:48am]
[ mood | stunned ]

yep... in my white-T

ok, so it's over i guess huh? why is that?
maybe it's because you feel guilty for cheating on me? or maybe it's because you know i'm the best you'll ever fucking get and no matter who you talk to or where you hang out you'll regret this bullshit, but then again hey its your loss. call me when you change your mind, because (btw: my aunt is super pissed off at me over some shit and now i'm moving OUT in 8 weeks) now we may have opportunities. but wait.... amber quit so, i guess she's out.

how could you do that? lie right to my fucking face? what the fuck is your problem? who ACTUALLY were you all over the other night anyway PLAYA?

11 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

[27 Feb 2005|10:23pm]
[ mood | cynical ]


ok ok, so let me fill in the gaps niggas.
drunk, acadamy awards, fireplace, computer, boredom.
anyway, i spent the whole fuggin day listening to my brain. it wouldn't shut up about amber gaddamn. so i gave in and called her but guess what?? mikey said she wasn't home. (she's probably out destroying the notion of us having the perfect love for eachother) i stay faithfull 1,000 miles away while she stay's there but leaves me, cheating.
yes. si.
ok, so spent the weekend around some beach scene action. my new job.... 7.25 per hour nigga!! whut whut?
but to get back on my origional point, graduation, license, car, amber, vagina, happiness, love, whatever's left.
and that's all that matters (unless i find out she felt differently about US being forever) psycho hose beast cheated on ME???? me of all people, i'm seriously like, the most innocent, loving, caring, compasionate, faithfull boyfriend in the world but guess what... the bitch may have cheated so it's a possibility that i may be open for business. we shall see.

i love you anyway, i'd probably take you back but that's not permission bitch. don't get any ideas. future, wife, happiness, together, fucked up, forever.

stay together, nobody would treat her like i would. nobody...

13 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

maker's mark. (whisky ) is the shit if you want to be depressed [19 Feb 2005|09:28pm]
[ mood | numb-gums ]

holy christ, i can't even think straight right now.

let me say this:
someday... somehow... things are going to get 100% BETTER. they have to. i'm living like a fucking 5 year old. but hopefully, this summer i'll get a car and amber will be with me again.

it's not like i ever had a choice. If i had a choice, i'd have stayed in palm coast with amber and that psycho-bitch. I mean, was getting along just fine failing school, getting wasted, being unhealthy, ---- seeing my favorite person in the entire world everyday, being the "real" tony. but just the same things are completely different here, i have no friends, no job, no girl, no life. it sucks but somehow the overall stress level is less. i hate being divided. i still have soo much stress, with the navy and being without amber, and being without friends or anything comfortable really. i mean, i just met a group of people who i can be myself around, like talking anyway, they don't smoke or do anything like that, but they'll listen (even though if i continue to chill with them i'm still just the extra 5th wheel and that means they'll probably not want to hang out that often) it's like, no matter what i do i'm destined to be my uncle bob. 50 yrs old living with my 75 year old parents. what the fuck. i used to think that things were soo bad because i was on drugs and shit, but from this side of the fence (where the grass is greener) i'm still suffering. even sober. i can't help but sound like a whiny bitch but when it's all i can think about and i'm dying inside for something better to happen, 9 weeks untill graduation doesn't sound so far away.
the worst part is that it's not the first time i've ever felt like this.. My ex-girlfriend kristen. when i moved from lake mary to west orange i had to leave her too, and i thought i loved her too. it's so hard to think about amber like that, just another kristen that i'll forget about for soo long until i think about specific circumstances that remind me of her. i won't go through this shit again, amber is my girl for mother fucking life nigga. she loves me so much and all i ever think about is why i keep this relationship going when i know it's just making both of us suffer for longer periods of time. it's unfair to her. and i know that, if she cheated on me while im here, there's no way i would be mad. she's beautiful and im not surprized everyone macks on her, i did. Why she chose me and why she stays with a loser like me i'll never know, but it makes me certain that i want to spend the rest of my life with her. no girl should sacrifice the way she has and need a girl with that kind of dedication to keep me in line. I LOVE AMBER WITH EVERYTHING IN ME. things WILL change. i promise, but i can't promise when... just keep it together for a little bit longer....

i love you baby, keep your nedd'n saved for me please! haha

3 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

omg whiny bitch, get over it everyone's parents hate them [12 Feb 2005|09:49pm]
[ mood | f.u.b.a.r. ]


pretty much only talk about my parents in this one so you can stop reading if you don't care.(little time saver fer ya)
i hate my dad so fucking much it's unreal! I'm talking... this guy is one fucked up peice of shit, how is he going to act like i'm SO wrong for wanting to come visit my friends in palm coast? he's so fucking dumb, and he's a two-faced mother fucker. PUSSY-WHIPPED SELFISH LYING DOUSCHE-BAG. he calls my aunt's house all the time and asks me if i miss them and i straight up say no right to him. then he'll ask me if i want to come visit... and still acts pissed off when he realizes that the only reason i'm coming to visit is for my woman. ok...motherfucker, you kicked me out of my house (which wasn't all that bad) considering the "QUEEN-OF--NEVER-ENDING-PSYCHO-BITCHING-AND-OTHER-DOUBLE-STANDARD-PRACTICING-O.C.D.-HAVING-USELESS-CUNT--LAND" stays at home all day thinking of ways to fuck me over. of course i don't want to be there, but shit we've never lived anywhere for more than 4 years, not one single place, i should have known it was going to happen. they never really cared about me anyway and i know it was all just a big show for the rest of my family, so that they wouldn't think my parents are crazy-assholes. but shit too late.. everybody on the peavey side of my family knows they're a couple of fuck-ups. they'll keep thinking that oh one day i'll grow up and realize that all they're doing is blah blah blah... but it's not going to fucking happen, if i get into the navy then all hell is going to break loose, i swear my parents will be soo pissed because then they'll realize that I am the responsible one and they should never had rode my ass so hard because i'll still smoke weed and i'm still going to party and i'll be married to amber and they're going to hate every fucking detail of my perfect life while the whole time they expect me to fail and shit. ok, well i'll take time out of my day to stop by their house when im there, and (bringing amber along with me) and say hello to the bastards; all the while, they will have lost contact with me because when i turn 18 we stop talking to them. anyway, i'll make sure to show up in the benz with 20's and a damn fine girl in the passenger who's that? oh by the way i married amber and you fucking talked so much trash im sure. yeah,... well that's because i never invited you to the wedding...or reception.... or graduation... or the other graduation...or pretty much anything because i didn't feel like you should be there to celebrate something you tried so hard to ruin for me... i mean, if you are soo against it your willing to pretty much abandon me, then common sense tells me you probably don't need to be there. SO FUCK OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT, (by the way i hope Ruth catches that new rare contagious-cancer and you both get it and in your death bet you regret everything)

yeah, seriously hope they die... on a brighter note, i got fucked the hell up this evening. nice, nice. and now, im chilling in my pimp lair by myself with a fire going and the television on. all in all, perfect end to an intoxicating day. take care of yourself...and eachother. (hahhahahahha you get it?? jerry springer...yeah, i should bring my family on that shit, stick my dad in the grill a few times then run around the stage. pull ruth's fake titty off and throw it into the crowd. good stuff)

i can't say it's the perfect end to the day.. the perfect day would end with me eating a nice hearty bowl of amber. but you know how that goes baby. love you.

3 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

OMG! LIKE TOTALLY [06 Feb 2005|09:18pm]
[ mood | TOTALLY LIKE ]

well well well, let me see.
it's like 9 something at night, superbowl sunday. i just watched the most random half-time show i've ever seen in my whole life... it was on mtv, all it was was a bunch of like... random ass clips of different shit... like a collage or what have you.. nevermind you have to see it to understand
anyway, i forgot to call my parents tonight but whatever it doesn't really matter i mean, i know they'll let me come stay up there fo r acouple days.. and to be honest i really have no idea why i didn't try harder before i mean, they're always asking me if i want to come visit so i shall.

amber, i hope you had fun last night
(isn't this a marvel of technology!!?? i know when you'll read this so i'm talking to you as if i were ACTUALLY IN THE FUTURE!!!)
hahaha, sorry i just took my demorall. anyway, i found a can of duster and i've been keeping myself quite entertained throughout the evening between the superbowl and talking to amber and constantly looking in the mirror at my pumpkin shaped face FREAKING OUT AT THE FACT THAT THEY'RE MAKING ME GO TO SCHOOL WITH THIS PUMKIN SHAPED FACE BUT hey... who do i have to impress anyway, all the girls at this school are tomboy-ass redneck inbreds so it's all gravy. well, you usually read this like late morning right around 11 something... yeah, i should be in 3rd period (we have 6 periods here), in anatomy and physiology pulling my hair out with all the make-up work that i actually have to make-up because im what they call a senior and graduation is a top priority here, so fuck me...i gotta get that shit done.

when i get home today at like 3 something i get to begin my chores (basically just me paying back my aunt and uncle for the uh...taste of chaos ticket) that was the deal anyway but im going to try to get a few extra dollas for some TASTE OF CHAOS MERCHANDISE hahaha idk like a few t-shirts or something.
well, i wrote all i got going in my head right now baby so... call me LATER TODAY (BECAUSE RIGHT NOW YOU ARE IN SCHOOL AND THIS IS THE FUTURE) so like... oh shit wait, i may have to stay after and make up a test or something i don't know.. call anyway or hey...maybe i should just call you??


5 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

[01 Feb 2005|05:16pm]
[ mood | unexpectedly happy! ]

yeah, been hanging out. kinda snuck into my pain killers for my surgery this thursday, they haven't kicked in just yet but they need to soon. i'll be pretty fucked up. all smiles huh? well i feel ya, i wish i could feel you, but no. instead i'll just stay here by myself for all of 3 months and 23 days left of my childhood. god knows what i'll do here soon. as much as i would like to just quit this whole living under someone else's roof thing and leave when i graduate and start my life over with amber, in the back of my head i still wish i could go in the navy. i mean what kind of life am i going to be living if i can't afford to live on my own, and go to college, and pay for a car and all that shit. the navy is my only option unless i stay here for community college ( which is bullshit but at least im still getting my car here this summer, and i'll be driving to palm coast like everyday) ... hey....

holy shit i kinda forgot about that whole tid-bit of info.....
im getting my car this summer.... it's only an hour drive from here...
my dad used to make a longer commute to work like everyday.... that's kinda badass!!! fuck yeah, that seems really shitty but right now that's best news i've heard. so even if i don't make it to the navy, that just gives me more time to spend with my "missing-peices" !, i mean, we'd still live apart but like on weekends i could stay at my parents house and i'd be 18 so they wouldn't tell me what to do, plus i could be around my baby the entire weekend.

baby! this is good stuff, i've been kinda depressed lately and just thinking about this makes me 150 times happier.

2 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

i listen to dmb. [27 Jan 2005|08:07pm]
[ mood | 1 week till d-day... ]

im taking black and white pics for my photography class. when my cheeks swell up from surgery i'll take a close up of my big ass chipmunk style face. it should be great, i have a scanner, i'll post them. along with some regular ones and whatever else i feel like, who knows? possibly a few of the used or some other band from taste o'chaos tour, i might actually meet some people. that'd be crazy, id prolly shit myself in front of everyone.

taking back sunday.

4 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

boomerang ninja kicks, hurricane knockout punches, and firey death stabs.. hahah idk [21 Jan 2005|11:28pm]
[ mood | 3 sheets my friends 3 sheets ]

location, location, location.

5 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

no one should ever feel the way that i feel now. [15 Jan 2005|10:59pm]
nobody will read this...

oh, what my life has become. a shattered resemblence of a 6th grader's daydream.

i must resist the temptation of weed. must.

i must join the navy, and find erika (the only true human being left on this planet, since everyone else is hiding something)

i must realize that being happy now means being unhappy in the near future.

that sucks, but these are the things that MUST BE ACCOMPLISHED.

at least i have a new girl. but she knows little of everything i've gone through. nina needs to understand, but i think she never will. she will be gone soon just like everything else.

nothing that makes me happy will last. it never has, and it never will.
so why can't i anticipate disaster??? shouldn't i be able to see now what will happen if i continue things this way??? am i retarded??

i'll never see or hear from amber again. ever. i won't even bother coming back from boot camp to palm coast. no point, but i think about it everyday. even though she hates me. i miss her and still love her. but she's with another guy. oh well. he probably deserves a girl like her. she definetely deserves a better guy than me... so, i guess as long as she's happy with him then.. i'm glad.

somehow i can't see things looking any better in the future for me. there's no use going on. it's going to end "to-motherfuckin-night". all i can say is i'm sorry if you didn't have the chance to speak up. goodbye all.

no one should ever feel the way that i feel now.

Punch me in the face!)

hey guess what!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU!! [12 Jan 2005|12:05pm]
[ mood | i be jammin' man ]

i came, i saw, i hittem' right dead in the jaw.

right, well as soon as my cousin gets home i'm going to get hammered with ryan, mike, marc, joel, brandon, austin, nina, tara, and jaimie.
sounds aight'
i called mike last night and he thinks i should come up there for a couple days and stay with him. i might actually do that, we shall see.
i need to be doing something up until school starts next tuesday. i've just kinda been sitting around in a drunken stupor for like a month, it's all gravy though. at least now i don't have to think about that stupid bitch. why i wasted my time with her. i had so many other girls jocking my shit. whatever, i actually get to be single again and start all over in a new school. i'm thinking of stepping my game up a notch : im going to tell all these girls im a virgin! hahah! bitches love that shit. well, my cuzbo's back from school so i gotta dip. xxxxx(listen to john mayer)xxxxxx


9 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

i think i just had my first anxiety attack... the realization of what's to come. [10 Jan 2005|08:29pm]
[ mood | every emotion available ]

welp... i suppose it's time to grow up.

i cant keep doing what i have been.

If i don't enlist by february, i have to wait until like december or some shit.

enlisting requires a mandatory drug screening... you see where im going with this.

no more drugs. well, i should say no more weed. i haven't really done anything else (recently).

been doing pretty good, i haven't smoked in a few days... for me that's a new record.

but, i'm 99.99999 percent sure my ear is fine and i'm going to graduate so...

i guess my life is kinda starting over and things are about to get really fucking heavy.

all i've got to do is finish the rest of the, what like 16 weeks in school and then i'm government property for 4 years.... that seems so fucking unreal!!

is anyone else still living in junior high?? i still think like a god damn sixth-grader.

my whole life is about to change.

2 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

getting paid today, 2 tabs for me none for you. long strange days? [07 Jan 2005|11:53am]
[ mood | anxious for sid ]


from the way that you acted
to the way that I felt it
It wasn't worth my time
and now it's sad cause all I missed
wasn't that good to begin with
and now I've started you begging
saying things that you don't mean
it isn't worth my time
a line's a dime a million times
and I'm about to see all of them

Goodbye to you goodbye to you...
you're taking up my time

you call my name when I wake up
to see things go your way
i'm coughing up my time
each drag's a drop of blood a grain
a minute of my life
it's all I've got just to stay down
why the fuck am I still down
I'm hoarding all thats mine
each time I let just one slip by
I'm wasting what is mine

I'm about to see a million things
I thought I'd never see before
And I'm
I'm about to do all of the things i dreamed of
And i dont even miss you at all

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you
you're taking up my time

8 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

everythings perfect... except there's no tap. [01 Jan 2005|08:25pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

holy sweet shit. i just wasted like 5 minutes of my precious life looking at this stupid goddamn website, im fucking sick of this shit. (am i over amber yet?)
fuck this, oviedo high.. monday... new life begins... new girls to meet... more parties to attend... can't wait.
hahah, sorry for all of you palm coastians. im so glad to be out of there it finally sunk in how shitty that was.
anyway... never heard back from mike or erika bout where they were new years, i spent mine frozen solid, piss drunk, shooting 'nigger-chasers' at random people. then at around 3 maybe 4 i fell asleep in my cousin's truck and woke up to this 300 pound guy named "kim" freaking out and threatening to kill me if i didn't tell him what happened to his cooler... when (little did he realize) the drunk bitch drank all of his own beer... i mean... we had a keg. what the fuck would we need his shit for anyway??

3 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

[29 Dec 2004|08:58am]
[ mood | high ]

what up negroes?? howsabout some christmas?
spent mine in georgia mountains... just got back like last night, had just enough time to go out and purchase some crippie with my money from christmas.


4 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

cat like thief she stole air from my lungs [09 Dec 2004|01:33pm]
i did all of this on purpouse because im selfish and i dont care about any even in the slightest bit. yes amber, i totally just threw you down and kicked you. i did that on purpouse just to hurt you and make you feel like shit because that's exactly the type of person i am. i lead you on and waited until i was completely convinced you were in love with me then BAM!! out the door i go... this is the way i want things to be, exactly. no more amber, no more friends, no more parties, no more drama, no more palm coast, no more fpc.
and the best part is you can't even READ sarcasm. ahahahahahh

hooo... well then, now that that's been said.
lets forget this all move on.... (box car racer)

holy shit this cd is so old school but it's fucking awesome.

3 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

this poison's my intoxication. [07 Dec 2004|09:01am]
from the way that you acted to the way that I felt it. It wasn't worth my time.
And now it's sad cause all I missed wasn't that good to begin with and now I've started you begging, saying things that you don't mean. It isn't worth my time. A line's a dime a million times and I'm about to see all of them. GOODBYE to you. You're taking up my time
you call my name when I wake up just to see things go your way. I'm coughing up my time. Each drag's a drop of blood a grain. A minute of my life. It's all I've got just to stay down, why the fuck am I still down?
I'm hoarding all thats mine. Each time I let just one slip by. I'm wasting what is mine.
I'm about to see a million things
I thought I'd never see before
And I'm
I'm about to do all of the things i dreamed of
And i dont even miss you at all.Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you
you're taking up my time

i suppose now all i can do is look around me and realize that everything i'd worked for and gotten into trouble beacuse of, was all in vein. useless. but when nothing i do would help, it's better when those words came from your mouth. wasted time. too long. good times. wait a second.... yeah, wasted time? im not like them, they're like me. i've got it better here, everythings better here, without you it's still better. not the fact that your gone but the fact is im gone and all you can do is miss me. do i miss you? of course but the ties were cut, you dropped the bombs. i just ran from them. ran from my own. fled the fields. escaped from opression, away from depression. you were just my mask and now you've got your own. think about 5 years from now when all is better for me and you'll still be working. struggle for what you can but i'll never struggle again. never fight for anything. never think twice of you. never thought twice to begin with. find yourself, when you do... i'll have been there and left. your too late. or maybe i was early.

6 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

im a fake. [06 Dec 2004|11:34am]
Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife

2 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

stupidmotherfuckinghoebagstankrankpussyloosesnaggletoothbitch. [03 Dec 2004|08:31am]
sarah-the-cunt-fruhwacht tried to get me into trouble AGAIN! this bitch actually read one of my journals to mr.sawyer at school. fuck her. you hear me sarah? fuck you. when he asked me i told him right to his face that i DID say that stuff and he didn't even care. it's good to know you still read my journal you nosy bitch. i hope you die, i hope your family dies, i hope your fucking dog dies, i hope you have children and they die too. i hope all your friends get cancer and rot from the inside out. you'll regret all this shit soon bitch i do have a plan. you need to learn to keep your fucking mouth shut. but hey tell people whatever you want, they cant do shit to me you don't even know where i am BITCH!!!!!

hey, guess what? i moved last night to my aunts house. it was kinda funny, when i got home ruth had already packed all of my shit for me. i guess she was ready for me to leave, huh? fuck her. the last day of school for me sucked because amber is suspended and i couldn't even see her except for like once when she came in for a parent teacher conference. no more palm coast bullshit for me. no more tobias' house. guillermo better bring my guitar to school when i come back for finals. i miss candICE already... i know i was supposed to call you back last night but when you called i had just got here like 3 seconds before, and my aunt had to take some online test or something and she didn't get done until really really late and i wasn't going to ask to make a phone call then, especially a long distance call you know?? i love you. gtg peace.

1 Left me bruised | Punch me in the face!)

[20 Nov 2004|07:40pm]
hey, it's sat. night and again i find myself drunk as hell, only this time it's in front of my aunt. were eating hamburgers and pretending to be sober.
i miss my woman. and i wish i had her in front of me. but whatever, geneva is really good for getting drunk... if your into getting drunk with a bunch of 15 year olds that litterally look like 8 year olds. i love it...my cuz looks older but all of his friends are like 15 and look like little kids. it's kind of funny because they're all fiends for weed and booze. hillarious. i've taken like 15 or 16 shots of straight vodka.. no chasers with the young'ins.
i love amber and i'm done waiting i'm calling her right fucking now bitches....pace

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